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If you’re new here, welcome! If you’re returning, welcome back!

Looking for my most recent posts?  Scroll down a bit. 

*This* is a sticky post. (Keep comments about the stickiness of *your* post to yourself, please.) It was the first post I wrote on this blog space and it’s a permanent fixture on my home page for two reasons: (1) It clearly outlines my rules (please read them if you haven’t already), and (2) It helps a very specific group of people find me.

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GENESIS

Of a new blog…

Why?

Because of my Exodus from the Blogland I formerly called home.  (A.F.F. anyone?  Beuller?  Beuller?  Anyone…?  Beuller…?  Feverpitch60 has left the building…)

So.  Genesis because of Exodus.

Perhaps you were thinking along the line of Leviticus?  Deuteronomy?  Numbers?

Think again.  ;-)

There will be no commandments, but there will indeed be RULES.  And while I can’t promise to stay on topic (sex, love, gardening, pet ownership…one thing leads to another, I’m afraid…and all topics eventually lead back to sex ~ it’s a hazard of being a certain age, I think), I can promise that there will be…erm…language…and photos (if I can figure out how to upload them) and occasional glimpses at my mind, body (yes, I’m an exhibitionist), and soul.  Oh!  And my funny bone.  :)

I’d like to say all are welcome.  But really, you should be over 18.  And you will have to adhere to the rules.

Oh dear, you are thinking, with all this talk of rules…  Is she a (gulp) Domme?

Yes!  (Insert evil laugh and whip-cracking noise here.)

Well, actually…

No.  Not really.  I mean…

Let’s save this discussion for another time, shall we?  ;)  The reason for the rules is more along the lines of preventative maintenance.  I learned the…hard way (heh)…on my previous blog that internet anonymity can sometimes bring out the worst in people.

So without further ado…

THE RULES

1.  I am a PERSON.  Not an OBJECT.  Treat me as such.  (Or you will not be welcome here.)

2.  While I’m usually pretty fun-loving and don’t take things too seriously, I am still a REAL PERSON with REAL FEELINGS.  Treat me as such.  (Or you will not be welcome here.)

3.  While I may talk about sex on this blog, that does not give you the right to treat me like a sex worker.  I am a WOMAN.  I am MARRIED to a REAL PERSON with REAL FEELINGS.  Respect us as such.  (Or you will not be welcome here.)

Also, don’t steal stuff. Creative Commons Attribution License applies. Read that, and this, before you borrow from me.

These rules apply to ALL interactions and exchanges, including but not limited to blog comments and other bitland conversations.  Anyone who feels they cannot follow these rules is free to leave at any time.  Deliberate ignorance of these rules will result in banishment from the Land of Fever.

Mrs. Fever has spoken.

So it has been written; so it shall be done.

Tutorial Time: Discussion Dilemmas

I haven’t done one of these in a while, and I’ve had a number of issues crop up around the topic of blog comments recently, so I thought I’d pass along some helpful hints.  :)

Keeping track of commentary can be a conundrum, especially if you are new to blogging and/or are part of a private blogging community.  If you use the WordPress Reader, the orange notification bar (that little speech bubble on the top right) will flash at you when somebody replies to a comment you have made.  If you use a different RSS feed though, or are an email-only subscriber, or if you comment on a private blog, you will not get notifications that way.  So here’s what you can do:

  1. Choose to follow comments on a post-by-post basis.  When you make a comment on any WP blog (or any WP-powered self-hosted site), there is a a little box you can check that says “Notify me of follow-up comments via email.”  You will then be automatically sent notifications of additional discussion on that post, including any replies to the comment(s) you made.
  2. Choose to follow all comments.  If you tend to comment a lot, or like to eavesdrop, or are generally enamored of a particular blogger and their audience interactions, you can follow *all* comments on any blog by doing the following:
    1. From your WP Reader, mouse over ‘Blogs I Follow’ in the right hand column and click ‘Edit’.  This will pull up a list of all the blogs you follow.
    2. Under each blog title on the list, you will see something along the lines of “You get no post and no comment emails for this blog.”  Again, click ‘Edit’.
    3. From there, you can turn the ‘Send New Comments By Email’ option ON.  (You can also choose to receive post notifications via email from that list, and have a few options in regards to frequency.)
  3. Utilize your WordPress Dashboard.  If you have a WP account, it doesn’t matter if you’ve activated your blog or not – you have a Dashboard.  From your Dashboard, under ‘Home’ (top left), click ‘Comments I’ve Made’.  This will pull up the most recently active comment threads from blogs you’ve commented on, and you can easily navigate back to said blogs to make additional comments by clicking ‘Reply to Thread’.

WE WILL NOW PAUSE FOR THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK:

:D

‘Kayso…  Moving on!

If you tend to have long comment threads on your blog posts and/or want people to easily be able to reply to previous comments directly from your post’s url page, you may want to modify your discussion settings.  To do this:

  1. From your Dashboard, mouse over ‘Settings’ (bottom left) and click ‘Discussion’.
  2. Under ‘Other Comment Settings’ (second section down), click ‘Enable Threaded (Nested) Comments’.
  3. Choose how many comments you want to easily thread/nest.  (That’s the number of comments that readers will see a ‘Reply’ option to, that are all part of the same thread.  On this blog, mine is set at 5.  This is a good example.)
  4. Scroll to the bottom of the page and make sure the ‘Follow Comments’ option is ON.
  5. Click ‘Save Changes’.

There is also a new feature on WP that allows people to ‘Like’ comments.  It’s automatically available via the notification bar, and the option is automatically ON if you have started a new blog or upgraded/changed your blog theme within the past month or so.  If you have been around for a while though, the ‘Like Comments‘ feature has to be manually turned on for most blog themes.  If you want to turn this feature on (or off), here’s what you do:

  1. From your Dashboard, mouse over ‘Settings’ and click ‘Sharing’.
  2. Scroll to the bottom of the page, and where it says ‘Comment Likes are:‘, either check the box (to turn that option on) or un-check it (to turn the option off).
  3. Click ‘Save Changes’.

NOTE:  I have intentionally kept the ‘Comment Likes’ OFF on this blog since I discovered the feature, because I wasn’t sure how it would work.  I’ve had some experience with it at this point though and am, as of this posting, turning the feature ON.  At least for a short time.  Your feedback about the availability and usefulness of this feature is welcome.  More information about Comment Likes can be found here.

If you have any questions or are experiencing difficulties with any of the above, please let me know.  I am happy to help.  :)

Seasons Change

We say that flowers return every spring, but that is a lie. It is true that the world is renewed. It is also true that that renewal comes at a price, for even if the flower grows from an ancient vine, the flowers of spring are themselves new to the world, untried and untested.

The flower that wilted last year is gone. Petals once fallen are fallen forever. Flowers do not return in the spring, rather they are replaced. It is in this difference between returned and replaced that the price of renewal is paid.

And as it is for spring flowers, so it is for us.

 ~ Daniel Abraham

mam

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.

- Ecclesiastes 3:1 -

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SEE YOU IN THE SPRING

Lyrics:

Cold Chicago nights
Chains on tires
You’re digging out snow
That wind, it just ain’t right
I made up my mind
I’m heading home

Well babe, why can’t you give it time?
I’ll keep you warm at night
This town is all I know

And I can see you in my life
Stay inside
(I can’t go outside)
Just please don’t go
(So I gotta go)

‘Cause baby your winter is nothing but prison
It drives me away
And maybe come summer then we’ll be together
Our time will come again
Til then I’ll see you in the spring

So don’t throw it all away
Throw it all away

The end of spring and June arrives
Won’t you take a flight?
Come down to San Antone

All that heat feels like I’m on fire
Oh no it just ain’t right
(It’s just not right, it’s just not right)
It makes me sweat at night
(To be so alone)
I’d rather be alone

Cuz baby your summer is nothing but prison
It drives me away
And maybe come winter we can’t be together
But love will come again
Til then I’ll see you in the spring

So don’t throw it all away
Throw it all away

You know I live just to see your eyes
I’ll meet you half way
(It makes me fall when for me you’ll find a way)
I’ll meet you half way by the runaway sign
(I’ll find you baby)

‘Cause baby your winter is nothing but prison
It drives me away
And maybe come summer we can’t be together
Our time will come again
When I’ll see you in the spring

So don’t throw it all away
Don’t throw it all away
Don’t throw it all away
Throw it all away

~ Martie Maguire, Emily Robison, Jakob Dylan ~

Scar Tissue

The mind is a deceitful trickster.  It masks our pain and fools us into believing fables.  Events of the past ~ and our emotive responses to those events ~ become a blur of ‘mostly good’ and ‘it wasn’t that bad’ even when the opposite is true.  The past is not as rose-colored as we pretend; seeing it that way is a survival mechanism.

It is why we so often forget the things that happened ~ and the way things happened ~ until we are hit with an unexpected reminder.  Then the past comes crashing back.

It has been said, ‘Time heals all wounds.’
I do not agree.

Serrated scars regenerate slowly, and each layer of tender tissue that builds is more sensitive than the last.  The scabs rip too readily and there is no stopping the flow – we bleed hot tears and there is no way to sew up the gash.  Somewhere in our minds we know we are wounded, but it is an inconsistent agony.  So we go about our daily business, not wary enough of the dangers we traverse.  Until suddenly, unexpectedly, we are hit with a force of blinding pain.  And we are rent with each new laceration, bleeding ~ against our will ~ again.

So it is with certain types of trauma.  The somatic memory remains, no matter how diligently the brain works to make us forget.

Because the body remembers.

The wounds remain.

The psychophysiology of trauma.

Every August, my body remembers.

And my heart will forever carry a ghost ache that is impossible to forget.

In time, the mind, protecting its sanity,
covers them with scar tissue . . .

But it’s okay.

I’m okay.

I still weep with the remembrance of what could not be, but I can talk about it now.

Healing is a slow process.

And grieving is a never-ending one.

Because the body remembers.

. . . and the pain lessens.

*I* remember.

She would have been nine years old this month.

But it is never gone.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 

~ Rose Kennedy

And You Give Yourself Away

When you give someone a gift, it is no longer yours.  You give it and you let go.

What they do with the gift you’ve given is within their power, and theirs alone;
if you are lucky they will treasure it,

- BUT -

they may choose to bury your gift in a drawer or display it on a shelf,
keep it in the closet or lose it between the couch cushions,
share it, tear it, smudge it, store it, break it…

forget about it.

Or, when the gift you’ve given is no longer shiny and new, they may even throw it away.

Even when the gift you’ve given… is YOU.

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My hands are tied, my body bruised . . .

. . . She got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose.

This is NOT an S&M post. So sorry.

It is about pain, though.  Or rather, the management thereof.

I don’t know if I have anything on this blog that can be considered “usual fare”,
but if I do, this is not it.

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PAIN MANAGEMENT

While I write about a myriad of things on this blog, there are certain subjects I tend to avoid.  One of the things I’ve never intentionally avoided but also have not directly addressed in any kind of serious way is pain.  But pain is something I experience every day.

Getting achy-breaky is, understandably, a natural part of the aging process.  We move slower as we get older.  We creak.  We need to stretch more.  We don’t have the hormone/blood sugar/endorphin levels we once did, and our bodies are typically affected in various (read: negative) ways.  So you may be reading my statement of everyday-pain and shrugging your shoulders, saying “Meh.”

If so, this post is probably not for you.  Feel free to move along.  I’ll wait.

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So.

For those of you still here…

Pain.

The two kinds of pain that cause me the most distress are (1) headaches and (2) back problems.  Both are affected by diet and exacerbated by stress.  Neither is “easy” to deal with.

Most days, though, I do exactly that:  I deal.  I paste a smile on my face, stretch a little, wrestle my nerve endings into submission, and just get on with my life.  The majority of people who know me never have the slightest inkling that I’m ever hurting, or how much.

A few of you are aware of what my Sunday was like.  To summarize:  It was, by far, the worst amount of pain I’ve ever endured in during waking hours.  To the point that I was drifting in and out of consciousness for hours.  My two primary pains were feeding off each other like cannibalistic warmongers, and the emotional distress I was in only increased their appetites.  Head.  Back.  Heart.  Back.  Head.  Rinse.  Repeat.

Upfugh.

I have a chronic condition that plays into this feedback loop, but for the purposes of this post, that’s neither here nor there.

And what exactly, you are wondering, is the purpose of this post, Feve?

I’ll tell you!

The purpose of this post is not to whine or complain or attempt to garner sympathy.

The purpose of this post is to share what works for me, in a way that might be helpful for some of you.  If even one person benefits from the information here, I will rest easy having shared this vulnerability with you.

Vulnberability? you are wondering.  What do you mean by sharing vulnerability, Feve?

Well, I mean that I really suck at sharing with others what I perceive to be personal flaws or weaknesses in myself.

Except…  What if sharing these ‘weaknesses’ could help somebody else be stronger?

Ah.  That was my thought as well.

So after my Searing-Pain Sunday had subsided into the ether (otherwise known as ‘Monday’), I gathered my wits about me (which was rather difficult to do; when my wits scatter they often end up needing bail before they can come back to where they belong), and I had a little chat with my ego.

Ego:  You can’t tell people about this. It’s a weakness.
Me:  Just a moment, please. I need to find the duct tape and throw you in the closet.
Ego:  No, really. It’s not like it matters any—hmmmsph!
Me:  I’ll let you out in a jiffy. Just need you to shush for a bit.
Ego:  Mmhmhmhmph!
Me:  Silver really is your color.

Heh.  I think you get the idea.  ;)

It’s taken me a bit to put this together, but without further ado:

Back Pain:  I have been suffering from back pain ~ specifically, lower back pain ~ consistently for nearly four years.  It’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg argument as to whether it had always been there (I have an incredibly high pain tolerance – blame my childhood) but became noticeable/intolerable due to my working conditions, or if the condition itself was *brought on* by my working conditions.  But it matters not whether it was chicken or egg; the pain came home to roost and has been clucking consistently ever since.  On good days I ride between 2 and 5 on the pain scale and it feels mostly like severe tension.  On bad days it’s between 8 and 10 and feels like flames are licking my back from shoulder to buttocks.

Yeah.  Good times.

Headaches:  This has been an issue my entire life.  Over the past few years they have gotten consistently worse.  And ~ lucky me! ~ my headaches are medically “unclassifiable”.  Figures.  Sigh.  Think MIGRAINE+.  Add in a few trips to doctors, a cat scan, blood tests, and ER visits.  Multiply by my unwillingness to use drugs of any kind, even the ones that are supposed to help you.

Yeah.  Problem.

And the two work in tandem to mess with my sleep cycle as well.  Which, as anybody who understands the human body will know, just makes everything worse.  It creates a continual feed loop of suffering.

So, with those three things in mind (back pain, headaches, lack of sleep), below is a list of what works for me:

DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional.  The purpose of this post is not to give advice; it is to share information.  Your experiences may be entirely different than mine.  Feel free to share yours in the comments section.  Conversation is always encouraged.

For my head:

  1. Water.  I drink it.  Lots of it.  With ice and occasionally a slice of lemon.  Hydration is key.
  2. Alcohol.  I avoid it.  Not only does it dehydrate the body, many common alcoholic beverages (beer, wine, sherry, vermouth, etc.) contain tyramine (a naturally-occurring result of the fermentation process), which is a common migraine trigger.
  3. Diet.  I’ve identified and eliminated ‘trigger’ foods.  For me, that includes:  highly processed and preserved foods, milk chocolate, onions, peanuts, and certain types of cheeses (again, the fermentation process leads to high levels of tyramine).  I have also severely limited (as opposed to eliminated) my intake of sugars, eggs, milk, butter, and tree nuts.
  4. Stretch.  Specifically, neck and shoulder stretches.  I do them.  Often.  At intervals throughout the day.  Muscle tension can aggravate headaches.
  5. Lavender.  I spray my pillows with it.  It’s a calming aromatherapeutic fragrance.
  6. Environmental noise.  I avoid it.  Especially indecipherable voices (I hate crowds) and deep bass sounds.  Cacophonous external stimuli only worsens the clattering in my head.
  7. Cold compress.  An icy cold wash cloth pressed against my forehead or the back of my neck does wonders.
  8. Sleep.  When I can, I sleep it off.  Provided I am able to sleep, that is.  (See #7 and #8 below.)

NOTE:  As much as I hate drugs, I do use them.  As minimally as possible.  The thing about NSAIDs is that they won’t take your pain away.  They’ll *block* the pain.  So once you feel a headache coming on, you have to take them right away.  Your headache won’t go away, but it also won’t get any worse.  That’s a hard concept for me to wrap my head around, and because I avoided taking any kind of medication for the majority of my life, NSAIDs are not a good option for me.  I don’t take them properly.  I do, however, take nortriptyline.  I’ve only been on it for a couple months.  It’s taken some getting used to, but as a preventative, it’s making a difference.  Also:  orgasms are a fantastic cure-all.  :)

For my back:

  1. Water.  I drink it.  Lots of it.  With ice and occasionally a slice of lemon.  Hydration is key.
  2. Caffeine.  I avoid it.  Caffeine pulls water from your system, which means your body can’t filter toxins the way it should.  Which can exacerbate pain.  Again, hydration is key.
  3. Stretch.  I do it.  Often.  Slowly.  At intervals throughout the day.  If only for a short period of time.  Even when it hurts to do so.  Especially when it hurts to do so.  For anyone who is a desk jockey, and experiences lower back pain, this video is worth watching.
  4. Vitamin D.  I absorb it, via sunlight or vitamin supplement, or both.  Daily.  Strong bones mean a strong support system.
  5. Omega 3’s.  I take them.  As a vegetarian, I won’t take fish oil, so I use the vegan kind (flax, sunflower, and sesame oils).  Two capsules daily.  (You can take up to six but they can be a bit hard on the stomach.)  It’s a natural anti-inflammatory.
  6. Massage.  I go to massage therapy regularly.  My massage terrorist is fabulous.
  7. Valerian.  I take it before bed every once in a while.  It’s a natural relaxant and as such, reduces tension, which promotes healthier sleep.
  8. Sleep.  I’m not always good at this at night, but I try.  A rested body works much better than an exhausted one, and sleep promotes restoration and healing.

NOTE:  If you have back problems, and are interested in learning more about natural health alternatives for treatment, I highly recommend this article.

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If you have any questions, please ask.  I am happy to share.

Thanks for tuning in.  We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming shortly.